The Plight of the Strong-Willed Women
I’d like to share with you the plight of the strong-willed women. I can’t speak for all women but I can speak for myself and the women close to me who are all amazing, beautiful females with something precious to give you IF you are open to it!
A while back, I was having a heart to heart with an ex-boss of mine. He said to me, ‘I worry about you girl, you’ll struggle to meet a man.’ Sadly, I knew what he was saying had a ring of truth to it. I asked him why he thought that, and he said, ‘You’re a ballsy little bastard, there’s not many who could handle you.’ I wasn’t surprised. I said, ‘Then I’m doomed eh!’ He said ‘No you’ll meet him, and whoever he is will be amazing, you’re a great girl you deserve the best’.
Men, listen up, here’s an insight: As a female it ain’t easy being this way. Born with purpose, drive and vision that we are compelled to pursue. On one hand, it is a highly rewarding and interesting life. We will accept from ourselves nothing but our best and expect that too from those around us. Yet it also can be disappointing, frustrating and thankless in many ways but something inside keeps driving us forward. We are judged and criticised by others around us, some even ‘pity’ us as we hit the crucial 30’s’ and don’t have partners or children, rubbing our shoulder in support with the words, ‘don’t worry, you’ll have it one day’ as if that was the only bench mark that defines a true woman! Family members asking us at every occasion ‘are you married yet’ and then giving us the sympathy look when we reply no. Friends who opted for marriage and kids ‘helpfully’ advise us ‘oh you’ll change your mind one day, don’t miss out’. Parents plead with us that we will not be fulfilled unless we take that route and worry that we’ll grow old and lonely.
We are the weird ones. The outcasts. The ones who don’t quite ‘fit’ in the society we were born in to.
And now I am going to let you in to a little secret. Men, believe it or not, us strong smart women just want you than to hold our hand, tell us everything is going to be alright and look after us from time to time. We’re not strong all the time, sometimes we want to fall in to your manly arms and stay there. We don’t need you to talk or deal with our problems – your arms alone are equally (if not more) capable of playing the role that the ear or advice of a female friend does in soothing our souls. We have to hold it together all day every day, when we step in to your company, we want to be soft females.
A bonus for you is that we don’t want you to change your life for us because we have our own one. You are a further enhancement of greatness in to our world. The independent successful women I know, are not trying to compete with men, they are just doing something they love and being extremely good at it. That shouldn’t intimidate you, we want you to be proud of us. We like you to be a ‘manly man’. We want to respect and look up to our man. We want you to do the man part of the relationship. You don’t need to be over sensitive. We like your position as the hunter-gatherer “to protect”. Hell, we even want you to keep us in check from time to time. (We need someone to do it. Right?!)
We are strong because we have to be. If we’re a little hard headed, it’s a survival technique because we live in strange times – we are a product of our environment.
Sometimes, we simply want to rest our head on a man’s chest and have his arms wrapped around us while we fall asleep, it makes us feel safe. That’s all. It’s that simple (in my world anyway).
We’re not gold diggers. Not financially dependent on you. But it is nice to know that you have it together and would be there if we needed you to be. We’re not high maintenance. We’re not going to try and trap you with a baby. We don’t need you to contact us all day every day. We don’t need to see you every night of the week. We don’t need expensive gifts, although a surprise that comes from a genuine place from time to time is nice – the thought that goes in to something is much greater than the price tag. As an example, one of my exes used to travel a lot. One time he came back with a present for me – a luxury dark chocolate, almond and cherry chocolate bar. It wasn’t so much the gift, as the story that went a alongside it. He spent ages in the shop looking and looking and couldn’t decide which one to buy. In the end he chose this one because it was unusual. Knowing that he took ages trying to decide touched me (yes I’m not always a hard face). He never knew how much that meant to me. Simple things are beautiful.
No relationship lasts forever. People need to stop getting caught up in past mind sets or focusing on trying to ensure future outcomes and instead live in the present and enjoy things for what they are. Allow it to be what it is or what it isn’t. Living an experience is the only way to know something for true, not pre-empting or perceiving. Sometimes you can’t see the wood for the trees.
Don’t let our generation completely flop in the relationship department too. The whole world seems to be becoming more disconnected and separate and it’s sad. It’s not about perfection, it’s about connection.
See, I want a man to hold my hand … 😉
(This is dedicated to all of the strong women and the men who thought we didn’t need them.)